Posts Tagged ‘Albert Pujols


It’s Still Better than Being Named Rusty Kuntz

By far the best player in baseball, when Phat Albert steps up to the plate with his smug face on, as a pitcher you know you’re in trouble. But before you fret and start thinking about the many many miles of home runs that he has hit, take heart that some anonymous ESPN staffer is on your side. ESPN’s player card for Albert Pujols finally has the phonetics right for pronouncing his name. Enjoy!


And I think we can all agree that Albert has had just a slightly better career than ol’ Rusty Kuntz



Pujols Puts His Money Where His Mouth is

albert-pujolsDuring the home run bonanzas of the steroid days, then-SI writer Rick Reilly challenged Sammy Sosa to take a piss test to prove he didn’t use steroids. Despite being a douche of the umpteenth degree, Reilly has been proven right. Now, while putting up one of the best first-halves in the history of the game, Albert Pujols is trying to be the hero that baseball needs, the one that everyone thought Alex Rodriguez was, until he proved to have been a steroids user too.

“I can understand people being disappointed with A-Rod and Manny,” Pujols says, “But just because Manny made a mistake, now I have to pay? Just because A-Rod made a mistake, now I have to pay? Oh, guilt by association? That’s wrong.”

“For people to be suspicious of me because of the year I’m having and for people to say I just haven’t been caught, that makes me angry and disappointed.

“I would never do any of that crap. You think I’m going to ruin my relationship with God just because I want to get better in this game? You think I’m going to ruin everything because of steroids?”

Already tested he says 6 times, Pujols says that if that isn’t enough, he’s willing to be tested EVERY DAY, and if he is caught using anything banned, he’ll repay to his employers, the St. Louis Cardinals every cent they’ve paid him.

“Come test me every day if you want. Everything I ever made in this game I would give back to the Cardinals if I got caught,” he told reporters.

In this day and age when the fans look at all the players as tainted, I desperately hope that Pujols is the real deal. I don’t care that much about steroids, if everyone was doing them, so be it, it’s unfortunate for the ones who weren’t, but they weren’t complaining when their salaries were rising thanks to the steroids users. However, I want Pujols to be clean.

Albert Pujols is simply too damn good at baseball. If he is using steroids it might break my heart. I want to believe that the things I see him do are legit, I want to believe that a human being is capable of being as incredible as he is; if he were to test positive I don’t know what I’d do.

At this point, no one would surprise me, but Pujols would disappoint me. I hope these statements of his are true, that he is clean and that the evidence will back it up. Baseball needs him. I need him. And at least one of my fantasy teams needs him too.

[USA Today]


Albert Pujols is a One-Man Wrecking Crew

In last night’s game against the woeful San Diego Padres, Albert Pujols made it his business to ensure the Padres will remain in last place for the present and seemingly the rest of the season as well. That’s because in the third inning, off #2 starter Chris Young, Pujols hit a sharp liner right back at Young, breaking his nose instantly and knocking him onto his ass. With ace Jake Peavy placed on the DL only yesterday, this does not bode well for the Padres whose sole strength has been their pitching. Pujols however was not finished. Later in the third, while attempting to score from second, he slid into home plate twisting catcher Josh Bard’s ankle awkwardly and he was forced to leave the game as well. Both are likely to go onto the DL today.

After the game Pujols appeared contrite, but the damage was done. Now the Padres are going to be missing their top two pitchers and their starting catcher. For a team who scuffles to ever score any runs and whose pitching must dominate in order for them to have any chance whatsoever, this is not a good sign. Next up for Pujols is the dismantling of the Los Angeles Dodgers, expect Brad Penny to have his arm broken when Pujols rockets one into Penny’s shoulder.

Follow The Slanch Report

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 19 other followers

Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!

June 2021