Author Archive for



14
Apr
09

Now THAT’S a Brawl

Vodpod videos no longer available.

When a brawl breaks out at a rugby match is it really that different from a normal game? I guess so, because 8 minutes into a game between Dinamo Bucaresti and Farul Constata of the Romanian Rugby League a full on brawl broke out. 9 players were eventually taken to the hospital, also 9 players (possibly the same ones) were banned from the Romanian Rugby League for their participation in the fight with the league saying it “condemned the players for conduct devoid of fair-play.”

And now, for fun, the fight in slow-motion.

[Fan IQ]

14
Apr
09

Glory Days Well They’ll Pass You By

Since 1905, Easton High in Pennsylvania and Phillipsburg High in New Jersey have played football against one another. One of the oldest high school rivalries in the country, the two high schools, separated only by the Delaware River, have one score to settle, the 1993 Thanksgiving game that ended in a tie. As part of a documentary sponsored by Gatorade, the 1993 teams are returning to play another game to finally settle the score. Overtime didn’t exist for the schools then, and so both were left with a sour taste in their mouths.

784423Now, 30 players from both teams, all in their 30s now, began meeting about a month ago to start training for the game to be held on April 26th. The weekly practices are also in conjunction with special training sessions from Velocity Sports Performance to help the players get in as close to game shape as possible.

“I wasn’t sure what kind of mind-set the players were going to bring – is it just kind of fun? – but it’s Easton-Phillipsburg no matter your age,” former Phillipsburg coach Bruce Smith said who will return to the sidelines for the game. “The mind-set is, we are in it to win. It’s never just about fun with this game.”

In 1993, Easton came into the game riding high with an 11-1 record, the 4-5 Stateliners from Phillipsburg though put up a fight and kept shutting down the Easton offense. After making two dramatic goal-line stands, the Stateliners blocked a field goal attempt leading to the unsatisfying tie.

“I just remember the empty feeling we left the stadium with,” Steve Shiffert, then, and current head coach of Easton said. “We didn’t know how to act because there was such buildup for the game, and they couldn’t even give out the trophy.”

Now the players are hard at work in an effort to get into shape for the game, a difficult task considering many have been away from the gridiron for nearly 15 years.

784424“It was good to put the pads back on but the soreness afterward was rough,” Darren Smith, a sophomore on the 1993 Easton team said. “You knew it was a different kind of getting back into shape, and you knew you had a lot of work to do. We just don’t recover like we used to. We don’t want to look like a bunch of old guys. We want to come out and look like we can play football. We are 30-year-old men, but we aren’t over the hill yet. We are working hard so we can come out and put a show on.”

Some of the key skill players from both teams are missing, but that hasn’t dampened enthusiasm, “We’re doing some shuffling,” Smith said. “You can’t go into a game like this and expect people to play a position they played 15 years ago.”

Although the score won’t change in the record books, for the players this is their shot at redemption. “Some people say you are crazy, some say it’s great, but it’s a good opportunity,” coach Smith said. “It’s neat renewing relationships with players you had 15 years ago and are 30 now and have families of their own. It makes this game unique.”

[High School Rivals]

14
Apr
09

I Dislike Your Officiating

Comercial coach Pedro Santilli of the Brazilian second division had seen enough during the Sao Paolo Championship game against Catanduvense. Frustrated with the way the game was going, when the ball went out-of-bounds by him, he picked it up, and when a Catanduvense player came to make a throw-in, Santilla threw an elbow into his chest. Now, I don’t want to say that the player is a wuss and was faking it, but when an elderly man bumps you, you shouldn’t be knocked to the ground like Tyson just knocked you out…Santilli wasn’t done though, he walks onto the field, yelling at the ref and gives the ref an uppercut before being sent off and leaving the field. Comercial ended up losing the game and were relegated to the third division.

13
Apr
09

This Doppelganger Train Don’t Stop

Thanks to loyal reader The Sister here are two excellent doppelganger options for you to enjoy as well as one that my own carefully honed eye spotted last night. Please make sure to vote in the polls below and then visit the permanent doppelgangers page to enjoy the many others we’ve assembled.

Nicknamed “The Baseball Monster” by my friends and I, Vladimir Guerrero strikes fear into the hearts of opposing pitchers everywhere; there’s no pitch he can’t hit, no matter how far out of the strike zone it might be, and when he makes contact, the ball goes a long long way. Once graced with the speed of a gazelle, Guerrero would relentlessly run down balls in the outfield before unleashing his absolute cannon of an arm. These days, his movements look like those of an 85 year old man, the years on the hard concrete surface in Montreal taking their toll. Guerrero is also the inspiration for my current fantasy baseball team name: My Two Vlads. There was a time when Arsenio Hall was the king of night-time entertainment; he was hailed as the successor to Johnny Carson and his trademark audience “woofs” took the nation by storm. He also managed to find time to co-star in the epic comedy movie Coming to America, which is on television somewhere, every other week. It is quite possible these men are long-lost brothers.

vladarsenio

Thanks to Julio Lugo’s recent knee surgery, career backup and minor-leaguer Nick Green was given the chance to break camp as a member of the Boston Red Sox Opening Day roster. While he hasn’t done much in his MLB career, Green is a maximum effort type of guy, and in addition to the Sox he’s appeared in games for the Tampa Bay Rays, Seattle Mariners, Atlanta Braves and New York Yankees, although he’s only racked up 803 ABs since 2004 in the bigs. A pint-sized receiver, Wes Welker doesn’t seem like much to look at, except the little guy features blazing speed, excellent agility and the ability to make defenders miss. All of which has led 213 receptions in two years with the New England Patriots. During the season Welker is known for his amazing skills in open space and for an epic porn ‘stache that is just plain filthy; he also has dreamy eyes.

greenwelker

Thanks to their lack of a true top-flight center fielder, Reed Johnson, after unceremoniously being dropped from the Toronto Blue Jays made his way over to the Chicago Cubs where he has provided little pop from the bat but excellent defense. He’s also well-known across baseball for his large goatee that he usually lets grow out as the season progresses. Leading the heavy-metal band Anthrax, Scott Ian is ALSO known for his outlandish length goatees, as well as for the band’s hard-driving licks. He also is married to Meatloaf’s daughter and dropped his real last name “Rosenfeld” when performing, I guess because Jews can’t perform hard-rock. Whaddya think, doppelgangers?

johnsonian

13
Apr
09

Birdies Make Me Grabby

During his pursuit of the top of the leaderboard at the Master’s yesterday, a hard-charging man-boobed Phil Mickelson seemed poised to maybe pull off a great upset. After shooting a robust 30 on the front nine, Phil came awfully close to wearing the green jacket once more. The fans in the galleries were right there with Phil, living and dying on every shot; some fans even found themselves getting excited by the play in front of them. Take for instance, this man who amidst the excitement of Mickelson’s birdie on 15 went for a boob grab. His wife/girlfriend/whatever wasn’t too upset by it, but she also wasn’t too psyched. I’m just glad he didn’t take anything out of his golf bag, after all, you shouldn’t be using a wood on the fairway anyways…

13
Apr
09

Doors Can be Tricky…

I don’t know what it is about baseball players that inspires such wacky injures; maybe it’s too much downtime, maybe they just aren’t that bright, I dunno, but just type in “bizarre baseball injuries” on a search engine to come up with hundreds of examples of ballplayer silliness.

Young Cincinnati Reds outfielder Chris Dickerson is the latest casualty to make it into the weird injury annals, sustaining a large bump on his forehead thanks to an unfortunate run-in, with a hotel revolving door.

My ‘real’ story is I hit my head on the rim during a celebrity slam dunk contest,” Dickerson joked. “They do need to do something about that door. It’s a deathtrap waiting to happen. I can only imagine what happens with people less coordinated than me. I’m a little clumsy, but a pretty coordinated guy. I should be able to fly through that thing easy. I struggle with it every day.

Now, I get that many baseball players are not the definition of athletic, but you’d think a simple revolving door wouldn’t be too much for someone whose life has been built around athletic feats. Perhaps, from now on, Dickerson should have the hotel doormen take care of opening passages for him…

[MLB.com]

13
Apr
09

Quite the Recovery

When it comes to NASCAR, I don’t have any interest whatsoever, I certainly don’t understand the appeal and would be fine with it disappearing completely. Unfortunately, there’s a whole lot of dumb people in this country, and I should know, I saw a lot of them at Applebee’s last night…

Anyways, I will say that Joe Nemecheck does some pretty impressive driving moves in this clip from the Saturday’s Pepsi 300. It’s one thing to flip over, it’s quite another to flip over going 200 MPH and then recover enough to keep driving like nothing happened and avoid hitting the wall.

11
Apr
09

Almost One Step From Anarchy

kindle_20090410234319487_320_240The Boston Red Sox were extremely fortunate that their home opener had to be postponed; were it not fans at the game would likely have been without a most important condiment, ketchup. Consider the butterfly effect, wherein the flapping of a butterfly’s wings can have great affect long-term, because the Sox may have just avoided such a catastrophe. In Sydney, Ohio, far away from Yawkey Way, a truck was stolen by a disgruntled employee, that wouldn’t seem to have any relation to the Red Sox, but it turns out the truck was carrying 996 bottles of Heinz ketchup ultimately destined to arrive at Fenway. Instead, Christopher Kindle (right), in a dispute with his trucking company, stole the truck and disappeared. The company didn’t notice until they received an email stating the truck had never arrived at its intended destination in Norton, MA. After finding out the importance of the ketchup, the company dispatched another truck and actively sought to find the first one. Police ultimately caught up with Kindle, who lead them to the truck’s location, in Baxter, Tennessee, far far far away from any delicious Fenway Franks.

Had the game not been delayed, it is possible that Opening Day at Fenway would have seen a lot of naked hot dogs, missing America’s favorite ketchup. Had there been no ketchup, angry fans might have thrown wrappers on the field, there, a Sox player might have slipped, injuring himself for the season, flushing the team’s championship hopes down the drain one game into the season. The thought of returning to mediocrity with our baseball team might have turned New England (even more) into a giant wallowing pit of misery, leading to depression, causing mass absences from schools and job sites around the region. This massive slow-down on the economy, coupled with the larger recession would lead to financial disaster for most of the banks and larger corporations in the area, following their collapse, and the inevitable fall into anarchy that would ensue, it is likely that by the end of this weekend, people would be cannibalizing their neighbors, living in the woods with painted faces, wearing fur clothes and without any sense of order and society.

All thanks to no ketchup.

We should all be thankful that second truck was rapidly dispatched!

[Fox Boston]

11
Apr
09

Wonder What’s On His Mind

The Chicago White Sox sometimes go by the moniker of The Pale Hose, but I was unfamiliar with this nickname for the team…

10
Apr
09

Scouting the Competition?

421fe9785d3844c71a27876d6f04c2c0_kim-kardashian-knicks-gameI guess when your entire specious claim to celebrity is based on appearing in a sex video and having a delightful bootylicious behind, it’s important to keep an eye on the assets of other women. So when Kim Kardashian and Britney Gastineau (daughter of former Jets sack-man Mark Gastineau) decide to take in a Knicks game it is little surprise that Kim gets caught ogling the fine backside of one of the Knicks famous dancers. Although, to be fair, watching the dancers is much more enjoyable than trying to pay attention to what the Knicks are doing on the court…

[Sports by Brooks]

10
Apr
09

I’m Guessing He Said Something Untoward

I never played lacrosse because that’s the same time as the tennis season, and later, the same as my high school musicals, so I never put on the pads and had a go. I’m still tough though, like the other day, I got a paper cut and I only cried for like 10 minutes. So there!

Anyways, this video is pretty hilarious, this kid gets KNOCKED OUT and it’s pretty awesome. Mostly because it isn’t me.

[Barstool Sports]

10
Apr
09

Zamboni Driving 101

ph2009040904165Watching the Zamboni make its way around the ice, many a fan has dreamed of driving the beautiful contraption. At the Herbert Wells ice rink in College Park, Maryland you can have just that opportunity. Several times a year, for a $90 fee, ($75 if you sign up in advance) you can take a two-night Zamboni training course. There they will teach you the basics of blade changing, tank filling, scraping patterns and the all important vehicle storage. Of course, most people are there just to ride around on the big lumbering machine.

“People are just fascinated by them,” said Russell Barrett, the rink’s head Zamboni wrangler and the night’s instructor. “They line up to watch as we do cuts,” the professional term for the Zam’s periodic solo performances between hockey periods and breaks in the all-skate. “The kids wave. It makes some of the guys nervous to operate it with all the people watching.”

According to Barrett, the most eager participants are young men and dads, although occasionally a woman will come to take the class too. Slow moving machine plus maintaining an ice surface and moving in circles? Sign me up!

[Washington Post]




Follow The Slanch Report

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 19 other subscribers

Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!
SIGN THE PETITION HERE! AND PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND PASS THIS ALONG!

February 2026
M T W T F S S
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
232425262728  

Categories