Posts Tagged ‘Chicago Cubs



21
May
09

That’s a Compliment Right?

Despite one of his best outings of the year, Ryan Dempster and the Cubs lost to the Cardinals last night 2-1. After the game, Milton Bradley knew he was responsible for the Cards’ success, Dave Duncan, the Cardinals pitching coach.

“It’s not like we’re going out there facing ‘Joe Blow,'” Bradley said. “Their pitching coach is one of the best pitching coaches. He can take a turd and polish it into something, it seems like.”

Of course, the “polished turd” the Cardinals threw out there last night was Chris Carpenter, a former Cy Young.

[Chicago Tribune]

19
May
09

Your New Cubs Owners?

Cubs Dodgers BaseballAs Bud Selig’s designated buyer of the Chicago Cubs, Tom Ricketts has found some trouble raising all the money necessary (something that Mark Cuban had no issues with, but I digress. Looking for financing from banks has been a little difficult, it turns out that they don’t have money to lend, something to do with a recession or something, I dunno, they didn’t explain it too much during Nickelodeon News.

So, in order to raise the money he needs, Ricketts is selling off some stock from TD Ameritrade, the company his father built, and the source of his wealth as well as reaching out to some prominent Cubs fans. For instance, Rickets has in recent weeks met with Bill Murray, Jim Belushi and John Cusack to see if they had interest in investing as much as $25 million into the Cubs. Now, Cusack and Murray are cool, and would be a neat, albeit weird part of the ownership group.

But, I for one am horrified that Jim Belushi might have that kind of money. Is that true? That can’t be true. Excuse me, I’m done with this blog post, I need to go strangle myself with a telephone cord if Jim Belushi has anything like $25 million in disposable income.

[Chicago Tribune]

04
May
09

More Atrocities Against Cubs Fans

Denise Richards stopped by Wrigley over the weekend to take part in the traditional singing of Take Me Out to the Ballgame, and her rendition was less than stellar. It’s a shame someone so pretty could release such AWFUL sounds out of her mouth; I’m pretty sure all the animals in the area of Waverly Ave started howling and shrieking because of this. It’s such a shame because after Starship Troopers it looked like her career was unstoppable, I guess being unable to act out of a paper bag makes it harder to succeed; also, she should have gotten naked in Starship Troopers, or at least come back for the third one like Casper Van Dien.

4245907After hearing that atrocity against humanity, it is no wonder that many Cubs fans might wish for death; thankfully, the Bohemian National Cemetary in Chicago’s North Side has the perfect option for a real fan’s final resting place, a replica of the center field wall. Featuring 288 “skyboxes” for urns, loved ones can come visit their passed relatives and view the wall, sitting in 4 real seats from Wrigley that face the wall, or families can play catch on authentic Wrigley sod in front of the wall. Several families have already moved their previously deceased relatives and still-alive fans have also reserved spots in the special wall.

Isn’t being a Cubs fan hard enough, why would you want to take that constant disappointment into the ever-after?

[WBBM]

27
Mar
09

Cubs Fans in Mid-Season Form

Spring Training games are a time to relax, the games aren’t too serious and everyone is casual and chill. While the players are getting into game shape, fans need to get themselves geared up for the season too, and for this one Cubs fan, I think he’s already there. If there are classier things than wearing a girl’s Cubs shirt while drinking a Mike’s Hard Lemonade, in a can, I don’t know what they are.
jotw-cub-fan-in-a-little-shirt1

As Homer Derby, who found this photo, says, “I’m really hoping that this guy lost a bet,” I too hope so. Or maybe this is his way to exorcise the Cubs demons, I mean, just look at those abs!

[Homer Derby]

28
Jan
09

That’s Some Neat Footwork There

St. Louis fans are always complimented on being among the nicest fans in baseball, well-informed and passionate about their Cardinals they are also just good ol’ midwesterners and want to make sure you’re having a pleasant day. Unless of course you’re a Cubs fan. Even in January, with 2 weeks until pitchers and catchers report the fans passions remain inflamed, for example, here is a photo of the Cardinals’ stadium parking lot.

cubssuck

[St. Louis Post-Dispatch]

28
Jan
09

Heilman on the Move

So much for the thought of trying to be a starting pitcher, Aaron Heilman, for the second time this off-season got traded, this time from the Mariners to the Cubs. Unless the addition of Heilman is supposed to be for the larger rumored Jake Peavy trade, it looks like the dream of Heilman to become an unsuccessful crappy starting pitcher is dashed. Garrett Olson may be able to compete for a spot in the rotation with Seattle, but Heilman is definitely headed to the Chicago bullpen if he stays with the Cubs. Get ready Cubs fans for an infuriating, middling middle reliever who is prone to homers!

[ESPN]

23
Dec
08

See Baseball on the Cheap

Prior to the official opening of the new Yankee Stadium and the unending printing of money that will ensure, the Yankees organization is actually doing something nice for the fans. On April 3 and 4 the Yankees will be playing exhibition games against the Chicago Cubs and as a gift to the fans there are several ticket deals. Fans who have full-season ticket licenses will get free tickets for the games, partial plan people will get the first opportunity to purchase tickets and the individual tickets won’t exceed $50. OK, that’s kind of nice, but still not a great deal for those in the population who don’t have a lot of thousand of dollars to spend on season tickets. For everyone else, how about tickets in the bleachers for 25 and grandstand for 110. Not bad right. Oh, I should mention that is 25 CENTS and 110 CENTS not dollars, the same price as at the opening of the original Yankee Stadium in 1923.

I don’t like to praise the Yankees, for anything, but this is a pretty good deal. Sure, it’s only for two games, exhibition ones at that, but they are also the first games to be played at the new stadium and that ordinary fans might be able to go for that cheap is pretty awesome. Of course, scalpers will probably swallow the cheap seats all up and ordinary fans will be left paying an arm and a leg again but, at least the idea is nice…

[NJ.com]

17
Nov
08

Mark Cuban Gets Busted *(UPDATED)*

Maverick Mavericks owner Mark Cuban has been charged with insider trading by the Security and Exchanges Commission for allegedly selling shares in the website company “mamma.com” after learning it was raising private money. The move ended up saving approximately $750k for the man worth about $2.8 billion. From the Wall Street Journal who broke this story:

The SEC alleges in a civil action that Mr. Cuban sold his entire 6% ownership stake on June 28, 2004, after learning that Mamma.com was raising money through a private investment in a public entity, or PIPE. The next day, on June 29, the company announced the PIPE financing and shares of the company dropped by more than 10%. By selling his stake, the SEC alleges, Mr. Cuban avoided more than $750,000 in losses.

In a PIPE transaction new shares are issued at a discount to the current trading price. An announcement of a PIPE transaction is often followed by a drop in the stock price as shareholders anticipate their stake will be diluted.

Cuban, who was already a super long shot to become the next owner of the Chicago Cubs can likely expect that this will completely take him out of the running. Which is a shame because he’s probably the only likely buyer who could get Chicago a championship before the end of the world.

Unfortunately, Cuban was unable to use his insider trading acumen to avoid getting hosed on that Jason Kidd trade last season…

UPDATE:

Mark Cuban, on his personal blog released this statement through his attorney:

“I wish I could say more, but I will have to leave it to this, and let the judicial process do its job…I am disappointed that the Commission chose to bring this case based upon its Enforcement staff’s win-at-any-cost ambitions. The staff’s process was result-oriented, facts be damned. The government’s claims are false and they will be proven to be so.”

17
Oct
08

About Last Night

Someone tell Chip Caray that a game isn’t over in the 6th and maybe it’s not the right time to announce that they “are dancing in the streets of St. Pete” before the game is over. Fortunately Caray used the line AGAIN at the end of the game, saying “they are dancing in the streets of Boston tonight!” Great. Someone kidnap him before game 6. Feel free to take Buck Martinez too who apparently finds it impossible to believe that any minute of the game can go by without his chiming in on SOMETHING. Let Ron Darling call the game solo. Hell, give Gary Cohen and Keith Hernandez a call. They certainly aren’t doing anything else.

That game was ridikilous. 7 runs. 7!!! Wow. That game HAS to be demoralizing for the Rays. If in game 1 they were tight and nervous, they have to be back in St. Pete today with nothing but how the only team to ever blow a bigger lead in the playoffs was the CUBS! Let me repeat that, the Cubs. The team known solely for their futility. You don’t EVER want to be mentioned in line with ANYTHING the Cubs do in playoffs. If you are, it’s almost always something ignominious.

Well. We got ourselves a series once more.

Let’s Go RED SOX!

10
Oct
08

Cubs Fan Willing to Do ANYTHING For Cubs Victory

Sarah Spain is a Chicago area sports fan who has received some publicity in the past for selling a date with herself to get Bears Super Bowl tickets has come up with a new solution to finally ending the Cubs’ long streak of futility. She’s going to rail Steve Bartman. While I’m not sure that even sinking that low could help the Cubs, or their fans, but hey, it can’t hurt. And I doubt that Bartman has gotten many other offers from similarly attractive women with bodacious tatas. The whole song is a parody on the Jimmy Kimmel/Sarah Silverman “I’m Fucking Matt Damon” song but hey, it works, albeit being played out. Regardless, I think I’m flying to Chicago and getting my Bartman costume out and seeking Ms. Spain. And if you’re interested in more about Sarah, check out her myspace page and her website.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

[Fan IQ]

03
Oct
08

Cheer Up Cubs Fans

Sure the Cubs have looked miserable in the first two games of their series against the Dodgers, and yes, Dempster totally blew and the errors were awful yesterday, but there is yet hope. For one thing, why not STOP PITCHING TO MANNY RAMIREZ! For another, the team may be struggling but things can’t be all bad when you have fine fans such as these. I love Cubs girls. If you are a hot Cubs fan, email me. And for several more hot Cubs fans, including some of their recent celeb hotties, (like Marissa Miller) check out Fan IQ’s stuff here.

[Fan IQ]

03
Oct
08

Fukudome is Obscene in Chicago

Jill Howe is a 15 year old Cubs fan who has a lifetime of anguish ahead of her. Fortunately, her teachers at Elgin High School in suburban Chicago are helping make that anguish come sooner rather than later by making her remove her Kosuke Fukudome jersey because it was deemed obscene. Howe was forced by the school’s dean to take off her shirt and put on a gym shirt instead. Immediately after being reprimanded Howe called her mother, another big Cubs fan and relayed the story. Her mother than called the dean, “I told her anyone’s last name can be misconstrued,” Nancy Howe said.

For example, take this statement from Nancy Howe relating to the purchase of the offending jersey, “[Jill’s] a big Cubs fan, and we got the jersey at Dick’s. We were going to get a [Kerry] Wood one, but it cost more.”

Sounds dirty!

To be fair, I think most Cubs fans would agree at this moment that Fukudome IS a dirty word, particularly after his futile efforts from I dunno, say June and forward. Continue reading ‘Fukudome is Obscene in Chicago’




Follow The Slanch Report

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 19 other subscribers

Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!
SIGN THE PETITION HERE! AND PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND PASS THIS ALONG!

January 2026
M T W T F S S
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031  

Categories