Archive for the 'Football' Category

« Previous Entries
Next Entries »
20
Oct
09

Track Ochocinco’s Every Movements With Your iPhone

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome, Douches and Football
Tags: , , ,

chadjohnsonpicFINALLY! Fans who weren’t satisfied with his exploits on Twitter, UStream and myriad other modern communication services now have ANOTHER way to follow Chad Ochocinco and his exploits — like paying hookers with checks that bounce — his own iPhone app.

Developed with the aid of Bengals backup QB (and brother of starter Carson) Jordan Palmer fans can, for the low price of $4.99 follow everything Ochocinco does, from his tweets, photos and videos to asking advice on dating or whatever. They can also send him their own photos and track where he is each day he’s on the road.

Palmer, who started an iPhone app company somewhat recently considers this app to be their most ambitious yet. He also said that they are in the process of making a similar app for fellow loud-mouth receiver Terrell Owens.

[ESPN]

20
Oct
09

Titans Fans Left Hungry After Patriots Beatdown

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome, Boston and Football
Tags: , ,

Titanscoupon3In this economy nearly everyone has been forced to cut back on the things we love; say you’re a pepperoni pizza addict but the extra charge for toppings has just become too much for you. Papa Johns decided to help, affixing a coupon to their pizza boxes to customers in the Memphis area.

Unfortunately, the conditions of the coupon are that for every touchdown the Titans score customers get the same number of toppings free; since they were shut out by the Patriots with a 59-0 drubbing, it looks like all those pepperoni addicts are in trouble.

Considering how the season has progressed so far for the 0-6 Titans, this promotion looks to leave many Titans fans disappointed.

Thankfully the promotion ends 11/8, meaning fans won’t be tortured for too much longer. Although it does mean that they’re left paying for all those delicious toppings…

[The Mac Bros]

20
Oct
09

Delaware State Goes to Michigan, Plays One Game, Loses Two

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: College, Douches and Football
Tags: , ,

delawarestateThis past Saturday Delaware State traveled to take on Michigan in what quickly became a giant rout. Last spring Michigan offered Delaware State a $550,000 payment to come play, which seemed too good for the Hornets to pass up, despite their already have scheduled a game against North Carolina A&T. When Delaware’s league couldn’t reschedule their game, the school opted to forfeit the game in advance.

The Wolverines then manhandled the Hornets to the tune of 63-6. Ouch. Michigan in total had 727 yards of offense, that’s not just an ass-kicking that’s a full on ass-pummeling.

“Michigan played just like they played on the DVDs,” said Delaware State coach Al Lavan. “… I was not shocked, but I was surprised at how much the domination was.”

So, knowing that his team would be crushed, Lavan agreed to the game, I guess to teach his kids a valuable lesson about character — namely being humiliated is fine so long as you get paid. Although, of course, the players receive NO payment, and only get humiliated, but at least Delaware State got some loot right… right? Guys?

Even worse, because of the forfeit, the Delaware State Hornets rolled into Ann Arbor 1-3, after their inevitable loss, the left town at 1-5 thanks also to their forfeit. Well played gents. I hope the school’s accountants were happy at least.

[SI]

19
Oct
09

Ochocinco Bounces a Check to a Hooker

By slanch 3 Comments
Categories: Football
Tags: , , , , ,

Chad Ochocinco loves attention, he craves it and needs it. He may not be psyched with the attention he’ll receive after word that he bounced a check to a “promotional model” (read: hooker) and she decided to tweet about it all over the place.

courtney_collins-389x226Sometime on or around 9/21 Ochocinco met up with Courtney Collins, a “promotional model” whose classy business card is rather risque and shows off her ample cleavage. She works for a service called Vivacious Models whose Myspace page doesn’t so much say escort service as SCREAM it.

Apparently short on cash, Ocho opted for the ever classy, paper-trailing showing check for what appears to be $1500. I wonder what that was for…Of course, this wouldn’t be an issue, or known, if the check didn’t bounce, clearly making Collins pissed.

chad_ochocinco_johnson_check

Ever classy herself, Collins then tweeted  the photo to all kinds of media-types, from TMZ and Perez Hilton to Tyra Banks. I don’t have an issue with him paying for a hooker, he’s just, as Charlie Sheen famously said, paying for her to leave, but c’mon Chad, be a little bit smarter than writing a check…and one that bounces at that…

[Celebrity Clubber]

19
Oct
09

Vikings WR Accidentally Tweets Nudie Photo

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Football
Tags: , , , ,

Chicago-area favorite Sarah Spain — who we last looked at when she offered to bang Steve Bartman to end the Cubs curse — posted this bit of fun twitter information from Friday night. It seems that Bernard Berrian, a former Bear and current Viking was out to dinner with some friends having saki and decided to take a picture of it and tweet it. He even came up with a great caption line “1-2-3 SAAAAKKKKIIII!!”

BernardBerrian1aThe only problem was that instead of a picture of friends and saki he instead posted a picture of a naked woman in the shower. OOPS!

Fortunately for Berrian, he realized the error quickly and took the nude photo down, responding to one his fans comments that he might get fined for leaving it up Berrian said “that’s why I’m tripping, I don’t have that pic.”

So either Berrian’s account was weirdly hacked to have a naked lady photograph each time he posts a picture or he accidentally (likely thanks to the saki) posted the wrong picture from his phone. We’ve all been there. If I had a dollar for every time I sent my mom a picture of something inappropriate when I didn’t intend to I’d have 3 dollars!

Because he took the photo down nearly immediately and it was, seemingly an accident that will probably be the end of the issue. Unless one of you out there managed to save the photo and wants to send it here!

[http://www.chicagonow.com/blogs/sarah-spain/2009/10/bernard-berrian-victim-of-technology-or-twitter-pornographer.html]

19
Oct
09

They Had a Little Captain in Them

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome, Football, Hot Women and Random
Tags: , ,

I am HORRIFIED. During the Minnesota/Penn State this past weekend the Penn State football team twitter feed reported a truly SHOCKING story, “From the Centre Daily Times: Security guards confiscated two-thirds of a bottle of Captain Morgan’s from the Minnesota cheerleaders.”

College students DRINKING, AT A FOOTBALL GAME! ACK! What has this country come to, I remember the days when everyone would just go to the malt-shop after the game, have some soda, and then park somewhere and do some uninspired awkward heavy-petting. What happened to THAT America? The one where teens only drank alcohol because the tough kid in the leather jacket spiked the punch bowl as his doofy friends laughingly looked on and kept a look-out.

And to help with the visualization of these alcohol-swilling harlots, via Uncoached comes some photos of the team at an earlier non-plastered phase.

[Sports by Brooks, images from Uncoached]

19
Oct
09

Bernie Kosar is BACK in the NFL

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Football
Tags: ,

kosarWhen we last looked in on Bernie Kosar he was trying to defend his house from amorous teenage boys interested in his daughters, battling bankruptcy and divorce and understandably down in the dumps; today he’s BACK as a consultant to Cleveland Browns owner Randy Lerner. While he doesn’t have any specific duties as yet, the agreement came after Kosar spent several days working in the inner “sanctum” with head coach Eric Mangini.

Kosar previously spent a season as president of the Cleveland Gladiators, an arena league team that lasted a mere one season. He also listed nearly $1.8 million in debt that he owed the Cleveland Browns in his June bankruptcy filings.

“I’ve got a little more time now to do it,” Kosar said of accepting Lerner’s invitation. “I’m getting my personal life in order. I still miss football and the Arena thing whetted my appetite.”

Kosar joins former Browns great Jim Brown as special advisor to the owner. Maybe Lerner should see if Kosar can suit up for the rest of the season, he may be 45-years-old and not have played since 1996 but he’s still probably better than Brady Quinn OR Derek Anderson.

[Cleveland]

19
Oct
09

Did Anyone Get the Number of the Train That Hit Him

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome and Football
Tags: , , , ,

Sunday’s Panthers/Buccaneers game wasn’t must-watch TV for most NFL fans, after all, who wants to watch misery? If you didn’t see the game though you probably have no idea about the pummeling that Panther Dante Wesley gave to Clifton Smith during a punt return. Smith gets knocked unconscious, Wesley sparks a mini-brawl on the field and then is ultimately ejected from the game.

Football!

16
Oct
09

NFL Coach or Dictator, More Alike Than You Think

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Awesome and Football
Tags: , ,

BelichickAhmadinejadThe perfect thing to help you into your weekend has come along from the good folks over at Mental Floss; here is an awesome quiz, “Who Said It? Dictator of NFL Coach?”

With questions like “Short speeches make long friendships. I learned that a long time ago,” and the answer being either Bill Belichick or Mahmoud Ahadinejad the choices aren’t easy. I scored a 92 myself.

Good luck!

[Mental Floss]

16
Oct
09

Don’t Leave Me Hanging

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome, College and Football
Tags: , , , ,

Last week’s Wisconsin/Ohio State game was not going especially well for the Badgers. QB Scott Tolzien had 2 interceptions returned for touchdowns and had very few good plays. When he finally gets one he comes off the field PUMPED and looking for some love; his teammates do not pick him up.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

[Total Pro Sports]

16
Oct
09

Bills are Driving Their Fans to Extreme Measures

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Football
Tags: , , ,

Buffalo Bills suckYou know how you know when things are going really bad and that the fans are turning against you, when an unemployed 18-year-old raises over $1400 through the Internet to buy time on a billboard telling Buffalo Bills team owner Ralph Wilson that “It’s time to clean house, RALPH.”

Ryan Abshagen from New Freedom, PA who organized the campaign said “I honestly never thought it would ever be this big. Fans are disgruntled. It’s out there. It’s big. People are going to hear about it.”

Starting next week the ad will flash up to 3,000 times a day on a billboard overlooking I-190. In addition to the message to Wilson will be a checklist of who the fans want fired, head coach Dick Jauron, chief college scout Tom Modrak and VP of pro personnel John Guy.

Last week’s miserable outing against the Browns, where for the second time in three weeks the team was unable to muster a single touchdown was the final straw for many fans. One group of fans stood up with matching T-shirts spelling “FIRE DICK NOW,” while the always enjoyable paper-bag headed fans were also in attendance.

Abshagen came up with the idea initally after the 38-10 drubbing by the Dolphins on Oct. 4 and began soliciting donations, but after the Browns game, and thanks to some publicity via the local news he raised $1125 in three days, giving him enough to rent another billboard or to extend the ad another week.

“We don’t hate anybody,” Abshagen said, when asked about how the message might be interpreted. “The donors and myself included, we don’t mean any harm or wish to insult anyone. We simply just want to get our voice out as fans.”‘

I for one hope more and more fans become this proactive and put their bitching to good use. In the meantime, let’s just marvel at how cheap billboard time is in Buffalo, we should all get together and get some Slanch Report billboard time.

[Yahoo!]

16
Oct
09

If You Lived Here You’d Be Home Already (and Tom Brady)

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome, Boston and Football
Tags: , ,

Brady CondoMost of us will never have the chance to get close to either Tom Brady or his lovely bride Gisele Bundchen, but if you have $10.9 million lying around you can at least putter around his old pad; on Monday Tom Tremendous listed his luxury duplex penthouse condo on the market.

In 2006 Tom, showing excellent business acumen, purchased an entire limestone mansion, originally built in 1871, converting it into 4 condos plus the penthouse. His 5,311 square foot apartment was designed by the same designer who recently did the Mandarin Oriental Boston and features multiple gas fireplaces, a gourmet kitchen, roof deck, high-tech entertainment media room as well as panoramic views of the Charles River and Cambridge. The three bedrooms are on the lower floor and the master bedroom has amenities like a steam shower, his-and-her dressing rooms and a private balcony. The apartment also comes with 4 garage parking spaces plus an outdoor space, which in Boston is ridiculously extravagant and awesome.

With Gisele pregnant and his son Jack with ex-girlfriend Bridget Moynihan, Brady must be looking for a bit more room for his growing family. Tom originally moved to Boston when he first became a Patriot, liking the feel of being in the city, now that he’s a family man it must be time to head to the suburbs. I just want to make sure I’m in the same PTA that Gisele joins.

[Wicked Local]

« Previous Entries
Next Entries »

Follow The Slanch Report

 Subscribe to RSS Feed

twitter / slanchreport

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 20 other subscribers

Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!
SIGN THE PETITION HERE! AND PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND PASS THIS ALONG!

April 2026
M T W T F S S
 12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
27282930  

Categories