Archive for the 'Douches' Category



15
Jul
09

“Dad Told Me to Do It”

hstreaker“Dad told me to do it.” That’s the reason a 14-year old boy (not pictured) gave to police after being arrested for running on the field at a Charlotte Knights minor league game on Saturday. Thanks to a beach bag give-away, post-game fireworks and the Gwinnett Braves there was a larger than usual crowd on hand for the excitement. After being led away by the police, the boy told them that his father, Jeffrey Richards, had dared him to do it and even had told him he’d be “a man” if he did. Now THAT’S parenting!

The police then arrested his father as well, charging him with contributing to the delinquency of a minor. The dad was released on bond the next day but his son was held in jail until Tuesday morning when the next session of Family Court convened which absolutely has to suck.

“I said, ‘Boy, if you do, you’d be the man,'” Richards said. “It wasn’t like we went to the rail and helped him over or anything. I think he thought it was going to be funny. He’s more of a prankster than a troublemaker. It’s nothing mean or spiteful. You hate it because there were 9,000 people there. You can’t necessarily slap him on the wrist and let him go back. The sheriff’s office had to do what they had to do.”

Sounds to me like someone just earned an Xbox from his dad in order to try and gloss over having to spend 3 days in jail for a dare.

[Charlotte Observer]

15
Jul
09

Cubs Security Are Hard-Asses

For 65 years Yosh Kawano (front left) served as the equipment manager of the Chicago Cubs, retiring last season. Two weeks ago he went back to Wrigley — something he has done frequently since his retirement — to visit some of the grounds crew. 6SRibRUIThe team was out of town and three security guards came up to Kawano and told him he had been spotted by the security cameras and needed to leave. Interestingly enough, the Cubs home locker room IS NAMED AFTER HIM.

Club officials didn’t know about the incident when it happened and have said they will be contacting Kawano directly ”to let Yosh know he is always welcome,” senior vice president Michael Lufrano said.

”They [the security guards] apologized to me and said it bothered them,” Kawano said. ”They said I’m not supposed to be there when [the team] isn’t there. How do you think I felt? It’s embarrassing.”

Last season the team had a special day in his honor and flew a flag with his name over the stadium. In addition, along with the players and announcers the team has honored, a flag for Kawano hangs in the main concourse.

”Yosh was a fixture here for 65 years, and we celebrated him with a day in his honor last June 26,” Lufrano said. ”He has a standing invitation to come to any game here and we’ve offered to find ways to help him and his family in any way, and we’ll be in touch with him to express that again.”

Kawano went to Cooperstown last June to give them his trademark floppy hat for display at the Baseball Hall of Fame and has been nominated for the HoF’s Buck O’Neil award for lifetime achievement in baseball. Apparently those credentials aren’t enough for the Cubs crack security teams.

[WBBM]

14
Jul
09

National Fail

2008106662How do you replace a manager who starts off his major league career going 157-251, a .385 winning percentage? If you’re the Washington National Failures you do so with a 522-652 career record, good for a .445 winning percentage. SUCCESS!

After ousting Manny Acta, who was never given a fair chance, or a Major League team for that matter, the Nationals have hired Jim Riggleman the failed former Padres, Cubs and Mariners manager. I’m sure this will lead to success.

What, Butch Hobson wasn’t available?

[ESPN]

09
Jul
09

Canseco Soon to Be Beaten By Wing Champion

203Because he always needs money and desperately needs attention, Jose Canseco has agreed to enter the boxing ring once more, this time against competitive eating champion Bill “El Wingador” Simmons (left). Canseco in three previous fighting matches has been knocked out by a former Philadelphia Eagle, fought to a draw against DANNY BONADUCE, and was pummeled by 7’2″ Korean kickboxer Hong Man Choi, so I’m sure Simmons is VERY intimidated by Canseco’s prowess.

The fight will be on July 24th although the venue is yet to be announced; I’m sure ticket prices will be low and there will be plenty of empty seats.

Simmons — who has won the illustrious Philadelphia Wing Bowl a record 5 times — came out of retirement in 2008 to compete once more, finishing in third with a personal record 205 wings eaten in 2 minutes. I imagine his farts alone can knock out Jose.

[Celebrity Boxing]

08
Jul
09

Carlos Beltran Signed to Sex Offenders List

From the Boston Globe:

Five potentially dangerous sex offenders are being added to the Most Wanted Sex Offender list maintained by the Massachusetts State Police and the Sex Offender Registry Board.

The five were identified by State police today as:

Carlos I. Beltran who is wanted by Haverhill police for indecent assault and battery on a person over 14 and failure to register as a sex offender. The 43-year-old is also being sought by Newton Police for violation of an abuse prevention order.

Don’t worry Mets fans, it turns out there are other people with the same name…

01
Jul
09

Isiah Thomas Forces College Cheerleaders Into Bikini Car Wash

Vodpod videos no longer available.

In April, Florida International University made the questionable choice of hiring Isiah Thomas as their new men’s basketball coach. The hiring was idiotic; he’s never been a good coach, he’s been terrible in management positions and of course, his personal behavior can be a bit, er, erratic shall we say. Throw in that Thomas was given a 5-year $5 million contract, (although he has said he will donate his first year salary BACK to the school) and the decision makes zero sense. Now, thanks to adding in Thomas’ big money deal, the school is forced to make cutbacks elsewhere. First off, and most horribly, the cheerleading team is being scrapped!

In order for the program to be saved, the cheerleaders need to raise $50,000, which they have been attempting to do via bake sale, bikini car wash (yes!) and of course, a calendar. Now, if only the school had some money lying around, hmmm, if only they didn’t wastefully spend it on a basketball coach who will leave the program in tatters and produce zero success. If only!

Of course, if this turns out to be a move solely to prevent Isiah Thomas from being around cute college co-eds, I

wholeheartedly support it and retract all my criticism.

[Online Sports Guys]

23
Jun
09

Where A Bike is More Important Than a Person

armstrong_lanceJust another follow-up to the Donte Stallworth justice system debacle; Lee Monroe Crider, 40, pleaded no contest and received a 3 year prison sentence for second-degree burglary and grand theft for stealing Lance Armstrong’s custom $10,000 bike. Crider’s co-defendant Dung Hoang Le received a 90 day sentence and three years probation on a misdemeanor charge.

That means that for stealing a BICYCLE, one man will be penalized 3 times as much as Donte Stallworth was for KILLING a PERSON, and the other receives a mere 1065 MORE days in prison than Stallworth will be getting. It must be nice to be able to buy your way out of consequences. I officially give up.

[ESPN]

22
Jun
09

Who Knew I’d Ever Side With a Yankee Fan

Here’s a scream-filled fight video from the game yesterday between the Marlins and Yankees down in friendly Florida. Some father, along with his young daughter intends to take in the game and instead has some crazed other fan attack him. Now, obviously, something was said earlier that set this all off prior to the video rolling but at least in the video it’s clear who was the aggressor. I will say the attacker makes a pretty crazy leap towards the dad, and the guy who is filming it makes a nice understatement when he turns the camera on himself and says “Holy shit!”

Happy Father’s Day!

22
Jun
09

More Examples of Why John Sterling Sucks

I’m on record saying that I think John Sterling is possibly one of the WORST baseball announcers to listen to. For a man in his 60s to keep using and overusing such hokey, lame home run calls as he does is inexcusable. Now, obviously, I’m no Yankees fan, but I would hope that any reasonable Yankees fan would agree that Sterling comes off as a tool of the largest order when he makes such calls as “It’s a text message, from Teixeira” when making a home run call. Just describe the goddamn game and tell me what’s happening. I find it astonishing that for a team with as much money as the Yankees that they have the most unwatchable TV broadcast (with Michael Kay and Ken Singleton) and the most unlistenable radio broadcast (Suzyn Waldman makes me want to insert a chisel into my brain.)

Anyways… Here is John Sterling doing his “Yankees Win” call after a game last season. Look at how he looks around immediately afterwards seeking approval from those around him. If you’ve never seen a 60 year old shake and shimmy like this before you’re lucky; it’s an image that won’t leave your brain soon.

19
Jun
09

Place Your Bets on Their Wandering Eyes

kim-kardashian-grinding-reggie-bush_1_1I couldn’t care less about Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush’s relationship, I care little about either person and she’s not close to hot enough for me to put any effort into her. That said, I both find it amusing, and a tragic sign of our culture that you can now bet on whether or not they will cheat on one another.

Online sportsbook Bookmaker.com has odds for several celebrity couples being caught in a cheating scandal, including Kendra Wilkinson and Philadelphia Eagles receiver Hank Baskett, who according to the line are the most likely to cheat. Following them are Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and then in the third spot, are Kardashian and Bush.

I’m saddened to see that this is even a possible bet you could place. You know you’ve reached full-on degenerate gambler status if you’re placing online bets on celebrity couples’ sex live.

[The Online Wire via Trojan Empire]

16
Jun
09

Wherein the Justice System is Flawed and Bulls*!t

On March 14, Cleveland Browns wide receiver Donte Stallworth, while driving drunk, struck and killed a pedestrian. On May 20, Michael Vick was released from prison after serving 21 months in prison for his role in a dog-fighting ring and has another 2 months under house arrest.

With today’s plea agreement, Donte Stallworth will be serving a grand total of 30 DAYS in prison for getting behind the wheel and KILLING a person. In addition Stallworth made an undisclosed agreement with the family of the victim for financial compensation. He will serve 30 DAYS in prison. FOR KILLING A PERSON. Michael Vick, kills and hurts some dogs and serves 21 MONTHS.

Continue after the jump for my full opinion about this ridiculous situation

Continue reading ‘Wherein the Justice System is Flawed and Bulls*!t’

11
Jun
09

Face Meet Fist

Not content with letting England get all the credit for soccer hooliganism, one Mexican soccer fan does his best to make sure his home country gets its due too by punching a woman sitting next to him in the face. If there are classy things than that, I don’t know them.

(Since I can’t stop the video from auto-playing, after the jump check out the video) Continue reading ‘Face Meet Fist’




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