This picture tickles me; it has it all, the weird Seinfeld-looking guy in the middle, Palesy McScared Face, old Braves fan who looks like Rip Torn, Mr. Tough in the yellow shirt and of course, all the way at the top, Anxious Fred.
(If you’re one of those people who wants to know the details, the photo information is here.)
With a string of hits recently, hopefully on the field erstwhile Red Sox slugger David Ortiz is getting back to his usual ways; off the field, Ortiz has been blazing hot, or at least his line of hot sauces are.
There are 4 different levels of hotness to the sauces; Original En Fuego, Monster Double En Fuego, Off the Wall Triple En Fuego, and Grand Slam En Fuego, the fieriest, which is so hot that even Ortiz won’t dare try it. “I put hot sauce on pretty much everything,” he says, “But I like mild hot, not burning hot. Not crazy hot. It’s not about being a tough guy, I’m telling you right now, number four is pretty dang hot. I do not think a human being should try something hotter than that.”
When remembering the development process when he accidentally put too much of the Grand Slam En Fuego on his food Ortiz recalled “I got burnt. I wasn’t paying attention. When I sipped it, I saw flames coming out of my head.”
Considering his, er, girth, I think it’s fair to say that Ortiz — a self-professed “grill-master” — is well aware of what makes a good meal. Working with New York-based developers Off Beat LLC to develop the sauces, Ortiz has been tasting and testing different options for over a year and half until he felt that the sauces were finally right. The proceeds from the sales will go to the David Ortiz Children’s Fund, which raises money for kids in need of medical care in New England and in Ortiz’s native Dominican Republic.
Interestingly studies have proven “that the capsaicin found in many hot peppers can cause an endorphin rush similar to runners’ high. “Oh, yeah?” says Papi. ‘Maybe I’ll bring a bottle [to a game] and take a sip before I hit. See how that works.'” Maybe that’s been the spark that’s (semi-)awoken Ortiz’ bat!
For those of you too cool for school and so are not following along the incredibly fun conference call that is the remainder of the draft, you’re missing out on some great stuff such as:
After out-dueling super-ace Justin Verlander 5 days ago, Angels starter Ervin Santana can be forgiven for a brief lapse of judgement when speaking with Angels team reporter Jose Mota after the game. While his language may not have been appropriate for television, Santana, who is back with a vengeance after an elbow injury earlier in the year, is more than welcome to say whatever he wants on Angels TV if he continues pitching as he has.
And really, isn’t that the attitude you WANT from an ace pitcher?
Polish-born reserve center Marin Gortat is expected to get even more playing time as the NBA Finals continue, being tasked with the difficult task of trying to stop Lamar Odom, but with the added playing time comes a larger lens focusing on him, something his sponsors at Reebok are a bit concerned about. Gortat, you see, has a tattoo on his calf, and the cameras seem to find it fairly regularly; unfortunately for Reebok, it’s a tattoo of Michael Jordan’s Nike logo. Last weekend Gortat received a phone call from someone at Reebok asking him to either wear his socks up higher or put makeup on the tattoo so that it wouldn’t be seen on television.
“They called and said I had to do something about it, but that ain’t going to happen. I’ve been wearing it 4-5 years now, and it helped me get to the NBA,” said Gortat. “They didn’t say anything about it when I signed the contract, so it’s not going anywhere. I don’t think they are paying me enough to take it off.”
Considering that he’s a semi-scrubby backup center, it’s doubtful that his deal with Reebok provides much in the way of spending money, so there probably isn’t much financial incentive there for him.
“I’ve heard from other people that even other players, if they don’t know my name, they know I’m the big white guy with the Jordan tattoo,” Gortat said. “I like that. Reebok will have to get used to that.”
Now, me, I’d like to be known for my play on the court, but sure, being known for a tattoo works too…
Meanwhile, Nike must be loving this, they get free publicity and they don’t even need to toss any free sneakers at Gortat. Win-Win.
[Fanhouse]
There must be something in the water in the Washington DC/Baltimore area; first there was the disaster when the Nationals went out to play in uniforms with their name misspelled, and now the Orioles suffer from a similar error. The team’s Twitter feed may not be of the utmost importance to the front-office, but it’s pretty embarrassing to have your team name in large font prominently displayed on the screen as “Oriloes.”
Since this first got reported, the Orioles have subsequently fixed their error but that it happened in the first place is simply awful. Hey, guess what, I’m a GREAT speller, hint hint MLB teams…
Because I enjoyed doing it last year, I’m going to be blogging the MLB draft once more, starting tonight at 6pm. It will be a “semi-live” blogging event, because, with the Sox/Yankees game I may get distracted and I only have the one cable hookup, but stay tuned and come back later to enjoy all the Bud Selig awkwardness and grainy footage of high school baseball players!
Join us after the jump for the full “live” blogging experience.
If you have $35,000 lying around your place I have the PERFECT investment for you; the wrecking ball that destroyed Shea Stadium is available on eBay.
According to the very terse description, this auction is for the “AUTHENTIC ONE AND ONLY 3TON GINNOW STEELWRECKING BALL USED TO DEMOLISH THE FAMOUS SHEA STADIUM IN 2008!”
You can’t put a price on history like that. Except, obviously the $35,000 starting bid. I have to imagine this collector’s item would be a natural fit in any sports fan’s game room. It’s like a Fat Head, but cooler.
[eBay via Sporting News]
In a day and age when sports players are no longer being looked up to as heroes, where every superstar is suspected of using performance enhancing drugs, our most hallowed records are tainted and the stories of athletes in trouble with the law are constant, it’s nice to see that there are still some honorable people out there. Melissa Anne Teixeira is one of those REAL heroes.
Originally slated to be the quarterback of the New England Euphoria, the region’s entrant in the Lingerie Football League, the franchise struggled to find a proper venue and are instead, relocating to New York. For Teixeira, a lifelong Massachusetts resident, that move was simply too much for her and she submitted her letter of resignation to league officials on her blog.
After careful thought and consideration, I regretfully have to announce that at this time, it is not in my best interest to switch to the New York team. As much as I would like to be a part of this league, there are just too many unknown factors that have been taken into consideration. It is not feasible for me to relocate to New York with the current economic status, combined with my personal finances. At this time, I can not financially support myself commuting to and from New York weekly, while keeping up with my regular monthly expenses as well as my job, without completely knowing what I am going to get out of it, other then PR.
[SNIP]
While the publicity was appreciated, press can not be put in my wallet. It seems that I have already come out of pocket to be a part of this league and I can not continue to do so. This is the most honest & sincere decision that I can make. With everything in mind, I would like to say that I need to wait out the inaugural LFL season while anticipating the possible return of the New England Euphoria. Drawing a fan base from New England while playing for a New York team would not only be difficult, but it would be unfair and would take away from the team, as I would not be able to successfully contribute to the goal of ticket sales and promotion. The fans of New England are true to themselves and their teams, and I would like to remain a part of New England as this is my home. I am a New England fan and forever will be. I am sorry to have to come to this decision but it is in the best interest of myself, the New York Majesty and their fans. If there is something else within the league that I can do, please let me know and I would be glad to consider it. If not, then maybe New England will see you next year.
Unlike traitors like Johnny Damon, Wade Boggs, Roger Clemens, etc, self-respect and pride of home were much more important factors for Ms. Texeira. In a time when we have all too few real heroes, Melissa Anne Teixeira stands up for all of us and says, “You can look at my ass in lingerie, but only in New England,” and god bless her for it. USA! USA! USA!
[Hemi Girl via Sports by Brooks]
The other day, newlyweds Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen took to the Charles River in downtown Boston in kayaks for a leisurely afternoon spent being incredibly good-looking.
Unfortunately, as good as he is on the football field, it seems Tom Tremendous isn’t as skilled with a paddle in his hands. Tom flipped over in his kayak and then struggled to get back into the boat. Ultimately, the launch guy from the boat rental spot had to go out and assist Tom back into the kayak.
Thankfully, the ordeal wasn’t too draining for Tom who managed to work up the energy to go golfing yesterday at a Patriots’ charity golf event.
Also, while he might have been slightly embarrassed about the whole capsizing thing, I’m sure he can get over it when he has Gisele there to nurse his…ego.
Sigh.
Tonight’s matchup between the Florida Marlins and St. Louis Cardinals is notable not for the game itself, but because, finally, the promotional event everyone has been waiting for is here, the 5th Annual CPA Appreciation night.
Your CPA saved you some cash a couple months ago at tax time, now it’s time to reward him or her and give them the gift that everyone appreciates, a trip to an otherwise empty stadium! Hooray!
Spend that tax refund on your CPA, I bet you can even write it off as a charitable expense!
Anthony Van Loo was minding his own business in the 44th minute of a soccer game in the Belgian soccer leagues when he suddenly suffered a heart attack. Van Loo, who suffers from a heart condition, has a defibrillator previously installed in his chest and after collapsing on the pitch, it activated, shocking him back alive and likely saving his life. He was taken off the field for precautionary reasons.
The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.
Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!
SIGN THE PETITION HERE! AND PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND PASS THIS ALONG!
The Slanch Report 
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