The Slanch Report

The other night during one of the Little League World Series games the home plate umpire was knocked to the ground whilst the catcher went after a pop foul. Unable to apparently control his feet, the umpire took a few steps to get out of the way and then tripped over himself, remaining on the ground for way too long to not look foolish. Fortunately, he admitted right away that he was clumsy and out of shape and the game moved on.

But our umpires story doesn’t end there, it seems that a NJ man, probably having seen this video on television was feeling very angry towards umpires, and children in general and wanted to defend the honor of adults everwhere. After all, how dare that Little Leaguer cause an older man to fall over embarrassingly! So, when watching his son and the other 8-10 year olds playing in a Cal Ripken baseball league game in New Jersey, Thomas Lambert, a parole officer, started banging on a sign, yelling aggressive things like, “You suck!” and “Go back to umpire school!” at that umpire. When the 14 year old umpire asked Lambert to leave, and on-lookers mentioned calling the police, Lambert yelled, “I am the fucking police, and now who the fuck are you gonna call?” The umpire then came near the fencing and Lambert punched the young umpire in the face through the mesh fence.

It turns out though, that the ump’s dad is ALSO a cop, and it turns out THAT’s who they fucking called. Lambert is now facing an assault charge and is being investigated now by his work at the parole office as well. The best part of this story is the awful “reporting” done by the shitacular local Fox reporter guy who hounds Lambert to get zero quotes and then inexplicably decides to show the same stupid uninformative shots twice, that’s some real fine reporting you’re doing.