The Slanch Report

NBA cheerleaders are generally pretty attractive, there are the classic dance teams with the Lakers, Knicks and Heat but the Chicago Bulls have taken their dance team to a whole new level of sexy. “I need to see the shirts come all the way up,” dance team choreagorapher Kim Tyler yells out at her charges during a rehearsal two hours before gametime, “Rub your stomachs! Over-exaggerate! Make this bigger!”

The only problem, this isn’t the choreographer for the Chicago Bulls Luvabulls women’s dance team, but the Chicago Bull Matadors, the all-male big man dance team. Featuring 10 men, who range in the 270-400 pound range, with 10 performances per year, the Matadors jiggle and shimmy their way through routines to songs like “Sexy Back” by Justin Timberlake. YES!

Of course, the Bulls are not the first to do this, the Mavericks were the first team to do so, and copycat teams have sprung up with 12 other teams now, as well as to baseball’s Florida Marlins. However, when I think Chicago, I think of large men stuffed with beer, bratwurst and heart attacks, so, this seems like the perfect fit.

In order to join the group all the men were required to sign a waiver and have a doctor sign off on their ability to dancing without, you know, dying, which seems like a pretty good idea. “The whole object of [being a Matador] is to be who you are and have fun,” said Al Cruz, a 5-foot-9-inch, 270-pound Chicago bus driver. “I’ve always been self-conscious about my weight. But I’ve learned to come to terms with my bigness. When we do pull up our shirts and show our lovely selves, it’s like saying, ‘It’s OK to be big.’ It’s like saying, ‘See me, love me.’ ”

The men, who earn a robust $30 and two tickets for each game they work aren’t in it for the money though, for most of them it is a chance just to enjoy the game and their bodies, after years of being teased for being so large. Then there are the pre-game activities…

“The men gathered in a small locker room littered with cans of Coke, half-eaten bags of popcorn puffs and an empty bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. They pulled on shirts the size of bedsheets, yanked striped socks over chunky calves and greased their stomachs with Vaseline–a way to emphasize their girth.”

Then, despite their miscues during rehearsal, once the Matadors got out on the floor to do their thing, they nailed it, every jiggle was hit, every shirt-raise was perfection and the crowd loved it. Seems like a pretty good way to get in free to the game. Now I just need to gain 200 more pounds and I’m golden!

[Chicago Tribune]