When he arrived on the scene, the portly Bobby Jenks was a godsend to the Chicago White Sox, helping lead the team to victory in the World Series. Since then he’s been an efficient closer, with an 88% save rate and is very noticeable out on the field for his large girth and long goatee, which he often has bleach dyed. Last year for Mother’s Day, Jenks and several other White Sox dyed their facial hair pink to honor their mom’s. Back in the day, you were no one if you didn’t have at least 50 troll dolls arranged around your house or desk. With their silly hair, and protruding bellies, the dolls were supposed to help bring luck, although they were more likely to instead bring dollars to their manufacturers instead. It’s possible that rubbing Jenks produces good luck, but you’re also likely to induce noxious gas…regardless, I think it’s fair to say these two share quite the resemblance.
For all the other doppelgangers, make sure to visit the permanent page here, and also please vote in the poll below!
Opening Day means that the MLB Extra Innings preview is on, meaning I can watch games all day long. Ah happiness!
Watching the many games means I find many more doppelgangers, which means you win!
Also, not to get sidetracked but, I want to get the MLB package, except my goddamn Optimum cable service doesn’t have even ONE HD channel available. Optimum is the absolute WORST. I FUCKING HATE IT. I thought I disliked Time Warner, but compared to Optimum it isn’t even close. How can you not add ONE HD channel, Time Warner does it, DirecTV does it, Comcast does it. Why does Cablevision insist on being the WORST FUCKING CABLE COMPANY!
Once a part of one of the worst trades in baseball history, Jeff Bagwell went on to become a Hall of Fame caliber player, winning one MVP, and nearly winning two more. According to Bill James’ calculations, Bagwell is the 4th best first baseman of all time. He is also one of the few players in the modern era to play his entire MLB career with one team. Recently inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, James Hetfield fronts rock legends Metallica. Once considered one of the most bad-ass groups of all time, Hetfield and Metallica as a whole lost much of their luster after filming the documentary Metallica: Some Kind of Monster, where it was clear that the band was made up of a bunch of whiny complaining brats. Still, Metallica knows how to thrash, even if their image has been forever marred.
I acknowledge this one is somewhat laced with spite, but is also something I’ve believed for a while; Mark Teixeira has a horse face. Out to earn the most dollars, and proving multiple times in subsequent interviews that he is a duplicitous person, Mark Teixiera also possesses prodigious power in his bat, Gold Glove caliber defense and is yet to contribute in any meaningful way for a contender. He’s also now on his 4th team. Captain is the Texas Rangers’ mascot, a giant horse who wears number “72” honoring the year the team moved to the Dallas area. I guess the horse represents the gloriousness of Texas and its lawmen. I’m more surprised it isn’t a gun that shoots fireworks and pees liquor. Which would be a GREAT mascot by the way. Anyways, I find it hard to tell which one is the horse and which the man.
Mentioned in passing yesterady, this doppelganger deserves its own specific post.
Liam Treadwell is a British-born jockey, who is in his debut steeplechase season, he rose to the nation’s consciousness when a BBC reporter insulted his teeth immediately following him winning on a 100-1 long shot. One of the most iconic stories from the now-defunct Weekly World News, the saga of Bat Boy also inspired a hit musical by the same name. These two men share an awfully similar resemblance. Please vote in the poll below so this doppelganger pair can join the others in the doppelganger forest.
Neil Everett is one of the better Sportscenter anchors, he and his usual partner Scott Van Pelt have great chemistry and Everett allows the highlights to be the focus of the show, as opposed to other anchors who think the show is all about them. The last player in the NHL allowed to play without a helmet, Craig MacTavish spent 10 years as a player for the Edmonton Oilers and is currently in his 10th season as their coach. He’s also the only NHL coach to spend a year in jail for killing someone, something he did after being convicted of a DUI and vehicular manslaughter in 1984. It’s unclear at this time whether Neil Everett has ever killed anyone. Please make sure to vote in the poll below to ensure this doppelganger gets to move on to the illustrious Doppelgangers page.
Bob Sheppard has been the voice of the Yankees and Yankees Stadium since 1951, but will miss this year’s opening day due to illness. Sheppard, who is in his late 90s is probably the most iconic announcer in the history of announcers and it is unfortunate that the first voice to be heard over the loudspeakers at the new Yankee Stadium won’t be his. While all accounts have Sheppard down as a gentleman, that just means he’s the “good” doppelganger. Emperor Palpatine, on the other hand, was a man set on power, much like Sheppard’s boss, George Steinbrenner, and who would let nothing slow him down. I think these two share quite the resemblance and whether you agree or not, make sure you vote in the poll below!
Willie Bloomquist is a super-scrubby utility man who can field a little bit and run fast, but has some issues with that old “hitting the baseball” skill that most professional baseball players need. So, of course he gets a 2-year $3.1 million contract over the off-season from the Kansas City Royals to leave the Seattle Mariners. When he entered the clubhouse the first time he might have gotten very confused to see that he was already there. That would have been Royals catcher John Buck, best remembered by me as the guy who took Hideki Okajima deep on the first pitch Oki threw in the majors. I can only hope they utilize both men’s physical similarities for some incredibly awesome trick play.
If you haven’t watched The Wire, quite frankly you’ve missed some of the best television of the last 20 years. One of the shows standout characters was Omar Little (played by Michael K. Williams), a tough SOB who robs drug dealers and is one of the most feared people in Baltimore. When he walks down the street, everyone else runs away, he is infamous for using his shotgun on whoever gets in his way. When Randy Moss was traded to the Patriots in 2007 he instantly became a good citizen and the most dominant receiver in the NFL, putting up stupid video game numbers that are almost unfathomable. One of the absolute best when the ball is in the air, if it is near him usually Randy will pull it down. Please make sure to vote in the poll to let these doppelgangers move on.
Here are two doppelgangers from this past Olympics that I kept meaning to put up, but being forgetful, have forgotten until now. Up first is Jenna Randall, British synchronized swimming hottie and her doppelganger, Laguna Beach’s Kristen Cavallieri who is also hot, if vapid. Not that I ever watched Laguna Beach…
Then there is the super hot track star Lolo Jones who shares a likeness with former Office and soon to be on the new spinoff Parks and Recreation actress Rashida Jones. Interestingly, Rashida Jones is also the daughter of Quincy Jones and has played at least 3 different characters named Karen on TV shows. Lolo can beat me in a race; probably.
Ric Flair was one of the most famous, most successful wrestlers of all-time, known for his boa topped costumes, his high flying acrobatic work off the ropes and his signature “WOOOOOOOOOOO.” Finishing his career with 16 title “wins” across multiple wrestling leagues, Flair was inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame in 2008. Joe Biden yesterday took the oath of office for the Vice-Presidency, taking a 30+ year career in Washington and subjugating himself for the next 8 years to the office about which John Adam famously said, “My country has in its wisdom contrived for me the most insignificant office that ever the invention of man contrived or his imagination conceived.” Despite their seemingly many differences, the team men share quite the resemblance.
As ever, check out the rest of our awesome doppelgangers HERE, and be sure to exercise your franchise and VOTE in the poll below so that these doppelgangers can join the others.
So, this one might be a stretch, but I think it’s pretty good, I guess the only way to determine for certain is through voting in the poll below.
Louis Amundson is an uninspiring bench player for the Phoenix Suns, averaging a robust 3.6 ppg, in 11 minutes per game, the second year player has done little to prove his worth in the league, but he does manage to keep the bench nice and warm. He even managed to reach a new career high in points last night, with 13! Way to go!Maggie Gyllenhall is an uninspiring actress who manages to do little, even in major blockbusters like The Dark Knight, opting instead to let others do the heavy lifting of actually acting. I think they are proper doppelgangers. Of course, for all the other fun doppelgangers, check out the link here, and please please vote in the poll below to let these doppelgangers join their friends.
It makes me endlessly unhappy that I even know who Kevin Federline is, the man has done nothing worthwhile in his life besides turning Britney from someone who someday was going to get the honor of boning me, into someone for whom the privilege is no longer available. I’m certain she’s distraught by this. Or at least should be. Then there is Kevin Love, rookie forward for the Minnesota Timberwolves. He’s at least sorta accomplished things, I mean, he got drafted and everything, and he gets to play for Kevin McHale, so that’s something! The two men share a definite resemblance I believe. Although, they also share that resemblance with the majority of white guys who think they are down with hip-hop culture, right down to the silly line beard things that no one except David Ortiz looks good with. What do you think dear readers, is it just me or do you agree as well? Make sure to vote in the poll below so they can either move on to the next level, the illustrious doppelganger page or should be dumped in the trash heap. And as ever, check out the rest of the doppelgangers here.
In the first Terminator movie, Michael Biehn gets sent back in time by his best friend John Connors to protect Connors’ mother, (and then ultimately nails Connors’ mom and becomes his best friend’s dad, because that’s not totally weird,) from a Terminator machine that is trying to kill Sarah Connors. David Wright, even with his chipmunk voice is one of the most marketable players in baseball, in addition to being incredibly good on the field. Earning his second straight Gold Glove/Silver Slugger combo pack while being by all accounts a stand-up guy and possibly nailing Erin Andrews. He’s why I like Mets games. Also, David Wright is one of those people who looks incredibly weird to me whenever he doesn’t have a baseball hat on, like his head is kind of weird shaped without the hat on. At least to me. Anyhoo, the two share quite the resemblance, as pointed out by reader youppi, and so, for your doppelganger enjoyment, check ’em out and then vote in the poll below so that these doppels can join the other doppelgangers we’ve assembled HERE.
Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS! SIGN THE PETITION HERE! AND PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND PASS THIS ALONG!
The Slanch Report 
Recent Comments