The Slanch Report

Lori “Lolo” Jones is an American hurdler who has won several national championships and a world championship in her main event, the 60 meter hurdles. Also, before the games it was rumored that she was going to race a horse but it turns out that was a hoax. Despite clipping the final hurdle in the finals of 100 meter hurdles at the games the other night, she’s still a winner to me, and really, for all of us. Only 26, she may be too old for the 2012 games, but I think she’s going to come back and dominate. Born in the heartland in Iowa, Lolo is as American as they come, and I for one want to celebrate her as a wonderful American hero, preferably on a romantic dinner date to my apartment where I chloroform her and we live a happy life together forever.