The Slanch Report

Forget Michael Phelps, everyone else can just pack it in, Australia has the best athlete in all of these games. Ladies and gentleman, I introduce you to Kamikaze, an Australian cyclist. Born James Hildenbrandt, he legally changed his name to Kamikaze. I have no idea if he is a contender of any sorts for any medals but I’m going to say he’s going to dominate and destroy every cycling record that ever existed. Also, when he’s not cycling, Kamikaze is a boilermaker which is totally awesome. You just know that as soon as his events are done Kamikaze is going out on the town and getting rip-roaring drunk, like destructive drunk. We should totally party together. Kamikaze, come to NYC and we’ll have a great time!