The Slanch Report

Someone needs to sit down all the members of the Baltimore Ravens staff and go over some language issues. Much like Ian Roberts’ literal doctor character on Arrested Development, I don’t think the words they have been using mean what the Ravens want them to mean. We already saw the Ravens term their food stands as cowardly and pusillanimous, but say you were watching the football game and a cheerleader for the Ravens caught your eye. You saw her waving her pom-poms and instantly became attracted, to her intelligence obviously, and decided to look her up on the Ravens website. You might just find yourself disappointed, when trying to find your new lady love and instead you come across this:

Now, I love that they have a male team, and that, according to their page on the Ravens website, “The Baltimore Ravens Male Cheerleaders are available for appearances!” But somehow methinks that this is NOT what the vast majority of searches were looking for. On the other hand, look at how buff and intense these guys are. I’d make fun of them more, but frankly, they look tougher than me. Except that little guy on the far left. I could take him.