The Slanch Report

Herbert Alex Simpson was arrested by federal authorities after trying to blackmail NY Giants coach Tom Coughlin regarding a supposed threesome sex tape that Simpson possessed. Fortunately the authorities were able to stop Simpson before he was able to reveal such an awful tape. Of course, Coughlin denies any such tape ever existing, as do the two women reportedly in it, who were co-workers of Simpson and who also claim to never have even met Coughlin. Sounds like they both protest too much. Regardless, people can say the federal government doesn’t do much for us these days, but this act of heroism to prevent such a tape, were it to exist, from EVER coming to the light is an act of true selflessness and one that I salute. Of course, this is all on the heels of the reported Bill Belichick sex tape which would ALSO be awful for the eyes. I am pretty certain this is a historic off-season, in that it is the first time both Super Bowl head coaches have been linked to sex tapes. Based on the general corpulence and homeliness of the head coaches in the NFL, this is something for which we can all be thankful. I do hear though that the Andy Reid furry video is one for the ages…