Last week in Detroit, the Red Sox were riding high, they pummeled the Tiger’s pitching, the Sox’ pitching made it impossible for the Tigers to get anything going and right next to the stadium are a couple of casinos for funtimes after the game.

In order to foster some fellow gamblers, Jonathan Papelbon held court out on the warning track before one of the games.

Here is teaching Hideki Okajima and his interpreter the black arts of Craps. Papelbon is apparently a pretty avid gambler, particularly during team poker games on road trips. He reportedly won some serious cash on the Sox’ flight to Japan where some big bucks were flowing over an all-day game. Now he’s taking his role as a leader of the bullpen even further, helping his teammates with their off-field activities too. That’s the sign of a true leader.

After the jump is video of the explanation, watch how enthralled Okajima is to figure it all out, he thought all this time that Papelbon had been talking about the come line he was getting hit on, now he knows!

Pictures and video all from Out in Centerfield

]]> http://slanchreport.com/2008/05/13/jonathan-papelbon-wants-you-to-blow-on-his-dice/feed/ slanch http://slanchreport.com/2008/05/12/how-much-do-you-love-wiffleball/ http://slanchreport.com/2008/05/12/how-much-do-you-love-wiffleball/#comments Mon, 12 May 2008 16:09:51 +0000 slanch http://slanchreport.wordpress.com/?p=149

This guy and his kids LOVE wiffleball the most. Check out this video, not only have they built a totally awesome stadium in their front-lawn, but the guy who built it is kinda hilariously crazy, in a suburban Dad kind of way.

Also, I totally want to play wiffs in that replica Fenway stadium. You guys that made it, send me an email and let’s play!

The other day on Baseball Tonight, Steve Phillips broke down some of the differences in Travis Hafner’s swing to figure out why he went from 42 homers to his less awesome current 20 homer version. Of course, it being from Steve Phillips, not a whole lot of knowledge was gained. However, within the piece apparently the Worldwide Leader decided that it wasn’t enough to show Hafner’s woes, but they had to drag the good people of Cleveland into it as well.

Sure, Hafner has been struggling, but did ESPN need to show how he is driving this local denizen into a diabetic coma? This man just wants to drown his sorrows in a helmet of ice cream. We’ve all been there. I remember back in the Butch Hobson managing era for the Red Sox downing helmet after helmet, trying to wash away the acrid taste of his failures. It’s hard being a little kid sometimes. The guy above though is no kid, he’s just a plump midwesterner trying to forget. I wish ESPN would have let his secret shame moment pass into obscurity but alas, they aren’t that thoughtful.

The Seattle Mariners might as well go up to the plate without their bats right now, they might have a better chance. Mired in the midst of a 22 inning scoring drought nothing seems to be going right for the currently hapless M’s. Richie Sexson, a giant of a man, albeit one who is hitting .209, had a hunch he might get hit when he went up to bat in the 4th, after Felix Hernandez had previouslyplunked two batters. Kason Gabbard threw his first pitch, high and inside, but not hitting Sexson and Big Sexy lost it. He tossed his bat down immediately and charged the mound throwing his helmet first at Gabbard and then wrestling him to the ground.

As far as brawls go, this one ended up with little else exciting, sure Eddie “Please Retire” Guardado restrained Felix from joining the melee, (for which the Mariners franchise owe him dearly), and then there was Gerald Laird being carried out of the fray by noted peacemaker Milton Bradley. Otherwise, relatively tame. Sigh.

Rangers manager Ron Washington after the game denied that there was any intent. “If we were trying to hit him, we would have hit him. If you go look at the replays, Gabbard didn’t even come close. Sexson was just frustrated, and things got out of control. You look at the replay — that ball was over the middle of the plate. He overreacted.”  As for throwing the helmet, Washington said, “I thought that was bull. How tall is he? Six-foot-13? Run at a little guy and throw a helmet, that’s just frustration. The guy, he’s a competitor; he’s just frustrated.”

Expect to see Sexson in the clubhouse for a couple games as MLB is sure to send him off with a suspension. And of course, it still made no difference as the Rangers housed the Mariners once more. Is there a team that needs Bonds more than the Mariners? (OK, maybe the Blue Jays)

Mr. Redlegs has been the mascot for the Cincinnati Reds for quite some time and he does quite the job for them too. He dances, he shoots t-shirt cannons, he carries around a giant bat and is always ready for a good Warriors-style brawl. It seems he has limitations though, among them, riding on the back of an ATV.

I have to imagine he destroyed some children’s imaginations when his head came off. I for one am angry because I always believed that Mr. Redlegs and Mr. Met were aliens from another planet where everyone had giant baseball heads. Now I’m starting to rethink that. I don’t know if I can ever return to those halycon days, I’m lost now, sputtering into the wind…

h/t to Bugs and Cranks

For the Chicago White Sox, losers of 7 of their last 10 games, anything that can get them out of their current slump is welcome. For manager Ozzie Guillen, a man for whom decorum is alien, there could only be one thing to help the team and awake their bats.

On Sunday, the bats were circled around the two naked female dolls, one of whom had a bat shoved up its pooper to prop it up. Each wore a sign over her breasts, one saying “Let’s Go White Sox” and the other reading “You’ve Got to Push.” Clearly Ozzie has gone to the Lou Brown school of managing, although, if you’ll recall, in Major League, they used a naked picture of their owner who was conspiring against them to bring their team together. I’m not so sure anonymous plastic dolls serve the same goal.

Of course, as soon as the news of these dolls broke, outcry immediately followed. Do not worry though, as Ozzie Guillen is very sensitive to these complaints and handled them in a very proper and mature (pronounced mah-toor) manner, saying

Everyone in the clubhouse, 100 percent of the people in the clubhouse, they are 18 years old and that’s a private thing. If the players do it in the dugout so everyone in the public could see it, or did it in the hotel lobby . . . we did it in the clubhouse. A lot of worse things happen in the clubhouse. I don’t really know why people are making it a big deal. If people got their feelings hurt because of that . . . they don’t really know much about baseball.

I couldn’t agree more. After all, I remember how Ty Cobb before every game penetrated a newsprint standup from the Sears catalogues. That’s baseball.

The White Sox have been looking around for anything to help their team, on Saturday for example they shaved the head of one of the coaches. So far no luck. If by the end of the week their slump continues the team may start shaving all their body hair. That’s baseball. Sox spokesman Scott Reifert said. “In terms of taste I think people would find it tasteless. They were just trying to get the bats going. Reifert addedthat players have “burned bats, kissed bats, slept with their bats, blessed their bats, you name it.”

Have they thought about signing this guy?

I mean, if they are really trying to get out of a slump, I can only imagine that Jobu would be a help.

A women’s sportswriters group was not amused though, claiming it made for an uncomfortable atmosphere for female reporters in the lockerroom. That very well may be, but Ozzie doesn’t truck with that, or care. “Well, whoever did it spent a lot of money…The clubhouse has been quiet the last couple days and I don’t like to see that. We have to stay at the same level of enthusiasm, no matter what happens.” What is most interesting to me, is that Ozzie’s concern was the money outlayed. He’s right, blow up dolls can be pretty pricey, especially for a high-quality one with realistic hair and synthetic skin, and really, if you’re trying to bust out of a slump, you got to go for the best.

Yesterday, Kenny Williams, the GM was admonished by Bud Selig and responded by saying, “I will assure Major League Baseball that the doll was not violated in any way, shape or form. In all seriousness, it is a little bit of a disappointment because we have proactively tried to — and just did so this spring training — organizationally, we brought in some people to discuss a better work environment, whether it’s gender issues or racial issues.” Clearly those discussions really changed some players’ mindsets.

According to rumors, Nick Swisher may have been the one behind the dolls, when asked if he regretted the move, Swisher rtetorted: “Why are you saying I did it?” Later, he added: “It was totally meant in a fun way. … It probably was wrong, but if anybody was offended by it, we sincerely apologize.” Hmm…Methinks these kinds of things would never have been a problem in Oakland…But then, that’s baseball.

The only remaining question is, who took the dolls, I mean, I can’t imagine that they were just tossed out into the trash, someone took those home, and someone is going to use them. I’d keep a close eye on the players who perform extra well in the next few days and I think we can unequivocally determine that that man is a doll fucker.

So, Gavin Floyd, who nearly pitched a no-hitter last night, you’re officially on notice.

Max Scherzer made his debut last week for the Arizona Diamondbacks, snapping off 98 mph fastballs and filthy breaking balls en route to retiring the first 13 batters he faced, 7 of whom via the strikeout. After such an amazing introduction to the league, the Dbacks announced after that game that he would make his first start last night. On paper it seemed like quite the strange matchup, Max Scherzer, 23 years old, just a year after he was drafted up to start a game for the first-place Dbacks, career record 0-0, against Jamie Moyer, owner of 558 starts and a 231-158 lifetime record, age 45.

 VS.

Moyer throws in the high 70s when he’s on, which is roughly equivalent to how fast I can throw the ball. However, he works with pinpoint command and changes speeds very effectively so major league hitters somehow are unable to catch up to his various junk balls. Regardless, the baseball world was excited for this game and it was not to see Moyer’s 60 mph curve. No the interest was reserved for the fireballer who was born 2 years before Moyer made his MLB debut against Steve Carlton.  

Of course, since these games aren’t played on paper, Jamie Moyer not only outdueled the young rookie on the mound, but even managed to tag him for a couple of hits, a single and a double and an RBI. “I thought he was going to go for the cycle there for a while,” Charlie Manuel the Phillies manager quipped after the game; and why not, it’s not too often you see the oldest player in the majors catch up and scald a 94 MPH fastball into the gap.

Unfortunately for Scherzer, the Phillies came into this game with two of the hottest hitters in baseball and leading the majors in homers, and they showed no signs of letting up just because of the hype. After a 4-run 3rd inning, the Dbacks never had a chance to get back into the game, and as Scherzer’s pitch count climbed it was clear on this night he was beaten. Interestingly, nearly exactly a year ago, Tim Lincecum, a similarly hyped young power pitcher debuted, also against the Phillies and he had a similar game as Scherzer’s getting battered around by the big hitters of the Phils. Maybe MLB teams should avoid debuting their prospects against the Phillies…

So, for one day at least, age beat youth, craftiness beat power and Jamie Moyer cruised 7 innings with only 6 hits to his 232 career victory. It seems win number 1 will have to wait another few days for Mr. Scherzer.

One other interesting thing about Max Scherzer, he has two different colored eyes which is both really cool and really terrifying to look at. Check it out!

and after the jump, one more fun one just for kicks–

It’s a sad day around the world of baseball as the ageless wonder, Julio Franco has announced his retirement after 23 seasons in the majors and almost 30 years in professional baseball around the world. Franco, who holds the record as the oldest player to hit a home run in the big leagues, retires ostensibly at the age of 49, he announced in a statement from Mexico where he was currently playing.

Franco’s amazing career took him around the majors, playing for 7 teams, as well as several years in Japan, South Korea, the Dominican and Mexican leagues. Originally coming up as a basestealing shortstop, stealing 32 bases in his first full season in 1983, Franco later transitioned as he aged to a (semi) useful corner infielder, even playing some third base last year with the Mets before they released him and he briefly was picked up by the Braves once more. During his career he was a three-time All-Star, a 4 time Silver Slugger winner and was the runner up for 1983 Rookie of the Year to the immortal Ron Kittle. At one time in his career Franco played at every position in the infield besides catcher and pitcher. In 1991, Franco bested Wade Boggs for the American League batting title hitting a robust .341.

From his wikipedia page, here are a list of some of the records he holds,

Franco is the oldest player ever to hit a grand slam, a pinch-hit home run, two home runs in one game, and to steal two bases in a game. On April 26, 2006, Franco became the second-oldest man in Major League history to steal a base, behind only Arlie Latham, who accomplished the feat in a token appearance at age 49 with the New York Giants in 1909. On July 29, 2006, against the Atlanta Braves, Julio Franco became the oldest player ever to pinch run, when he came in for Carlos Delgado after Delgado was hit by pitch. On September 19, 2006, a day after the Mets clinched the division title, Franco started at third base in a game against the Florida Marlins. This was Franco’s first start at the position since his rookie year, an astonishing 24 years between starts at the position.

Famous for his legendary workout routines and eating a raw egg every morning, Franco ends up with 2586 MLB hits and a combined total of over 4200 hits counting his stints in South Korea, Mexico, Japan and the Dominican, joining Pete Rose and Ty Cobb as the only players to ever have that many combined hits in professional baseball history.

Now that he is retired, I just have one simple request, for years there have been rumor after rumor that Franco’s listed age was not his actual age, that in fact he was older than he admitted. When he came up as a young prospect this wasn’t such a big deal, but now that he’s retiring, it is time for him to come clean. I want to truly marvel at this man, and he should get his due. If he truly has been hiding his true age and he is in his mid 50s (as I suspect) then he should be truly celebrated for being the oldest player in the history of the game. If he was able to play this game at such an age than he is a marvel and deserves the recognition therein.

“It was the hardest decision in my life,” Franco said in an interview published Saturday in the Mexican Sports Daily Record. “I always said I would be the first one to know the exact moment. I think the numbers speak for themselves, the production speaks and this is the right moment. I understand that my time has passed, and the great men and athletes know when to say enough.”

Indeed and you are just such a great man.  You will be missed Julio, you were a constant for my entire life as a professional baseball player and have accomplished some incredible feats across the years. So congratulations on a wonderful career and a life seemingly well-lived, long live Julio Franco!

The Washington Nationals have been battling all season, scuffling their way to a 14-18 record and ownership of last place in the NL East. They are also the proud owners of a dope new ballpark, but that hasn’t inspired their team to greater heights, so it seems they are looking around for any new options that can help the team. To that end, this is the latest, completely authentic, 100% undoctored version of the Nationals’ schedule for the month of May.

In what manner are the Nationals going to play Indiana Jones? Broadcast it at the stadium? Actually challenge Harrison Ford to a baseball game? Can a team be made up of the stuntmen from the Indiana Jones Epic Stunt Spectacular? Will they do the Stunt Spectacular at the stadium? Do I need to get these tickets through Stubhub or Fandango?!?

A hearty h/t to the good Eick of sogoodblog.com

At Saturday’s running of the Kentucky Derby the only filly in the race, Eight Belles valiantly raced to second place, but her near-victory was short-lived as in the process she broke both her front ankles and it became necessary to euthanize her on the track immediately. For those of you wondering why it was necessary to euthanize her because of her broken ankles, the answer is here. Of course, with such a popular event like the Kentucky Derby invariably a circus-like atmosphere can develop.

For example, the pre-race hullabaloo included making sure the Democrat candidates made their picks for the race. Barack Obama picked Big Brown, the favorite before the race, who did indeed go on to win. Hillary Clinton’s choice though was fellow filly Eight Belles. Not exactly the best omen for one’s campaign to present.

When the injury to Barbaro in 2006 occurred there was an outpouring of ridiculousness from all sorts of people across the world. Fan blogs, message boards, people sending gifts, and giant cards were just the beginning with the insane way people reacted, and overreacted to the accident that befell a horse. After all, in the end it is just a horse and this is no longer the 19th century and horses are unnecessary anymore except as rich guy status symbols. I love that these people who cared so much about Barbaro and somehow found inspiration or something in his attempts to recover could give a shit about actual people in the world. However, a horse that they never met, would never interact with, that could care less about you and your thoughts and that was the plaything of some rich people to prove how big their wallet-dicks are, was such a focal point in these crazy people’s clearly otherwise empty and pathetic lives.

So, with that memory still so fresh, you knew that there was no way this story wouldn’t become a giant non-story story that everyone will be hearing about for weeks. There are the people who try and just report the facts without making any real statement, like here, but of course, the batshit crazy people of the internet then post comments like this one, “This is a bad OMEN!!! For Hillary Clinton. This makes me vote for Obama.” Really? You’re going to base your vote for the Presidency, the single most powerful job in the world, based on the fate of a racehorse’s weak ankles? ADeaver, you shouldn’t be allowed to vote, the privilege of voting is undeserved by you. Why not choose your president based on the scores earned by Wheel of Fortune contestants or on which candidate prefers Waffle House over Bojangles? Or this winning comment from a woman named Rebekah,

Throughbreds should NOT be raced, the bones in their ankles are thin, but that is sadly what makes them race fast. Racing a Philly among the big guys, should be STOPPED. Anything for money, people make me sick, they love money more than there own horses!
Eight Belles is in heaven now with Barbaro and i hope the people that put her on that track miss her and realize its not all about money, what about the animal? When you love an animal, especially horses which are more intelligent than most people i know protect them and refuse to put them in harms way, you want money, work for it!
I owned a Quarter horse and he was my first love how much i miss him, he died 4 yrs ago and no other horse has my heart the way Cookie did.

Well, first of all, I agree with Rebekah, there is no way a Philly should be raced against male horses. I wholeheartedly agree that the Phillies are not to be raced on tracks. And as a Chase Utley owner in fantasy baseball, I sincerely hope that they leave him alone and let him do his thing on the diamond instead. But I digress, after all, Rebekah is one of these people who realize that women simply aren’t the same as men, and therefore should be kept completely separate from males. Very modern that Rebekah, and loyal to her sisters. I’ll ignore the utter bullshit about Barbaro and Eight Belles being in heaven, because, you know, that’s fucking insanity since you know, they’re horses! But maybe that’s just me. I too hope that the owners know that it isn’t about just the money, since horses ARE so intelligent. Rebekah knows too because she’s awful smart too, as evidenced by her mastery of English grammar and spelling. I have no doubt that most horses ARE smarter than the people she knows. In fact, I have zero doubt she is smarter than this horse here,

Of course, it wouldn’t be a completely ridiculous story unless PETA got involved too. So, they predictably sent off an inane letter to the Kentucky Racing Authority saying that the jockey was to blame for the horse’s weak ankles and that he should be punished. Apparently, “PETA faxed a letter Sunday to Kentucky’s racing authority claiming the filly was ‘doubtlessly injured before the finish.’” You know, because they could totally tell since they totally saw a recap of the video on the 6 o’clock news.

‘What we really want to know, did he feel anything along the way?” PETA bullshit spouter Kathy Guillermo said. “If he didn’t, then we can probably blame the fact that they’re allowed to whip the horses mercilessly.”

Sure, or maybe centuries of inbreeding and selective breeding to make these horses as fast as possible so people like this guy can wear silly suits and drink mint juleps. But no, you’re right, it probably was the 45 lb Panamanian guy instead. “The letter to the Kentucky Horse Racing Authority also sought a ban on whipping, limits on races and the age of racehorses, and a move to softer, artificial surfaces for all courses.”

Great, hey PETA, who gives a fuck? You know the only people who really strongly care about race horses? Degenerate gamblers and rich dudes, so stop pretending like you actually care and stop pretending like this is an actual issue that you need to get involved with. Why not focus on doing something for the millions of people who don’t have health insurance or the people of Katrina who still haven’t fully recovered. Oh that’s right, because humans don’t matter as much as rich people’s baubles. Swell. Remind me to stop and light these people on fire the next time they are in public.