Short Round

dustin-pedroia-david-ortizBecause for some unknown—but definitely idiotic—reason, the National League insists on continuing to play baseball with the pitcher hitting. When I spend money to go to the ballpark I prefer to see players who are automatic outs and slow games down and only marginally better at hitting than I am, and I was terrible. For all the excitement that comes from a pitcher hitting a home run, I’d far rather see a player who can actually make contact. All these sacrifice bunts and futile swings from NL pitchers are fucking booooooorrrrriiiinng. 

With interleague play continuing (ugh, really, it’s STILL going on?) the Red Sox are forced to play without one of the key cogs that the offense is built around. Desperate to get David Ortiz into the lineup (particularly after the Sox’ abysmal performance in Pittsburgh) manager Terry Francona will be temporarily forced to move all-universe first baseman Adrian Gonzalez to the outfield. 

Asked about this development, all-world quote machine Dustin Pedroia had this to say:

It’ll be good offensively, but damn, I’ve gotta play second, first and right. That’s a lot of ground to cover, man. I’ve got small legs.

I fucking LOVE Dustin. I do think we should start calling the right side of the infield Short Round though. Think we can get that nickname started?

[Boston Globe