Employees at the WWE headquarters in sunny Stamford, Connecticut now have a new life-sized statue of Andre the Giant to greet them in the mornings. Who says going to work has to be boring!

However, sadly, even though the statue itself is life-sized, Andre has been mostly dead all day.

[Zach Linder and Benjamin Brown]

Don't get me wrong, clearly this photo of Floyd Mayweather and Larry King just DRIPS S-E-X but all I can think of is it serving as the invitation to a Eyes Wide Shut style sex party. Add to that image one of Larry King just chasing women around with his flaccid penis in his hands and I may never sleep again.

Look at that wry grin on Larry's face. You can't tell me he's not going to be extra grabby...

[Floyd Mayweather]

After earning All-American honors as a wide receiver at Notre Dame, Jeff Samardzija opted for a career path that involved a lot fewer gigantic men looking to hit you with their bodies as hard as possible, choosing instead for men trying to hit your pitches. After a strong beginning to his career as a reliever, Samardzija convinced the Cubs to let him try being a starter and so far has rewarded them for their faith. Taking his turn as the Opening Day starter this year, Samardzija has pitched brilliantly, even if his efforts are wasted on the (currently) hapless Cubs. 

Meanwhile, across Chicago, Steve Howey is one of the actors on Showtime's hilarious and highly entertaining Shameless where he plays Kevin Ball, a bartender, occassional weed grower and all around fun-guy. You might also remember him from his role on Reba (but if you do, let's not be friends.)

Let's be clear: these men look a ton alike. Doppelgangers!

Listen, I know I've been beyond delinquent in updating this site. It's almost inexcusable. However, the good news is that after five years doing this blog I'm not ready to give it up. However, I'm not able to dedicate myself properly again—YET! Expect some intermittent posts for the time being but plan for me to emerge, resurgent and glorious, once again, bringing with me all the inanities of the sports world, all the hot chicks and of course, my irrepressible wit. 

In the interim, please accept the next post's new doppelganger as an apology and as a token of my love and appreciation to all of you. 

"I found Fido!"

If this didn't make you laugh you're flat out dead inside. 

I'm not one for adorning my body with tattoos for the sports teams I love but hey, that's what works for some people. However, one New England Patriots fan might want to reconsider his decision to feature this tattoo of Pat the Patriot on his body canvas.

There's bad tattoos and then there are BAD tattoos, this one is HORRENDOUS. First off, it looks like Pat was drawn by an epileptic blind toddler. Secondly, SOMEONE PAID MONEY TO HAVE THIS PUT ON HIS BODY!?!?!

Yikes. Just YIKES. 

This doesn't show that you're a fan, this is NOT how you support a championship-caliber team. Bill Belichick is GREATLY disappointed in you. 

[BSO]

The economic downturn did little to affect the bottom line for the 1%, even those under house arrest. Over his career Barry Bonds made over $180M in salary alone and he's showing himself to be a smart businessman with those funds after his career has ended. 

While his trial for evasive testimony resulted in a 30-day house arrest, it wasn't as though Bonds was slumming it in his giant Beverly Hills mansion. Now though that erstwhile prison could be your new digs!

After buying the mansion in 2002 for a mere $8.7M, Barry has relisted the 1.85 acre property which features seven bedrooms and thirteen bathrooms over 17,100 square feet at a robust $25 million.  

The home comes with all the essentials for living in exclusion from society including a music room, theater, wine room, gym, spa, elevator, outdoor pizza oven and deep fryer, and a separate guest house for when the warden wants to stop in. Plus the house comes fully furnished which is especially good news if you're into gaudy, ostentatious gold beds. 

You can rest your head where Barry used to fart!

[The Agency via WSJ and HardBall Talk]

Like any true sportsman (nod Lance Armstrong) you're out there trying to get an edge on your competition. First it was training with those Vibram five-fingered toe shoes but as comfortable and useful as they are it is impossible to walk around in them and not look a bit odd. 

Thankfully, Vibram's former CEO has come up with a solution for us: Camel-toe shoes. 

At long last your feet can look like your favorite cooter display!

The shoes from ToPo Athletic range from $100-130 but really, you can't put a price on every step reminding you of a vagina. 

[Wired]

After months of being locked out, the NHL is finally almost ready to resume play. For those puckheads who can't wait until Saturday, here is some hot ice action from Mother Russia and the KHL All Star game where Jori Lehtera shows off during the shoot-out contest. 

Normally players like to take their best whack at the puck, but the Finnish centerman goes a different route, opting for a less-is-more approach.

A 2008 draft pick of the St. Louis Blues, Lehtera is yet to ply his trade on this side of the Atlantic but with moves like this that may soon change. 

Hockey! FUCK YEAH!

Say you're Matt Kemp, superstar baseball stud, multi-millionaire, former lover of Rihanna, presumably you don't have too much trouble meeting beautiful women to bath you lovingly with their tongues.

However, that might change after Kemp's newest tattoo.

On the one hand, having a giant portrait of his grandparents (in honor of his recently deceased grandfather) displayed over his heart might be seen as sweet and endearing to some women, and yet, on the other hand, "why is Grams staring at me disapprovingly as I patiently kneel here awaiting for your bukkake explosion?"

Talk about a mood-killer...

Other than the sexual-cooler aspect of the tattoos, I gotta say, the ink work by Jun Cha is pretty impressive. 

(One other potential—temporary—turn-off for the ladies: Kemp's half shaved chest. Yum!)

[Vin Scully is my Homeboy]